#253 - Interview with author Danielle Orsino

Interview with Danielle Orsino

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Danielle: [: 00:00:00

Dave: it's kind of strange because you know to tell somebody else and like oh you know New York artists are unique and different then they're gonna like they look at you like especially I live out here in South Florida And they're like yeah of course you're gonna say that cause you're from the state Like what other you're saying that it's completely not true Like there's something

Danielle: No, there's something, I always look at 'em and I go, the Beastie Boys. I just kinda like, that's it. I just go the Beastie Boys and I kind of just like run DMC and I'm like, what else do you want me to say? Like it's just,

Dave: It's crazy

Danielle: just something, there's an edge to them without there being an edge. Like there's, there's just something they get, they can laugh at themselves, but take themselves seriously all at the same time.

the sixties in the projects [: 00:01:00

Danielle: My mom's from the Bronx. Yeah.

Dave: so when you look at a a a rap group like this especially where you know they're upper class they were they were upper they came from upper class Jewish families and they grew up in the I think Upper East and upper West side in New York during like the seventies and eighties that was so expensive Like even now it's extremely expensive back then was so expensive then they come together and they make these songs about like them being rebellious them like fighting against their like parents and dealing with poverty And you're like on wait a minute You guys never went through poverty You never struggled You you grew up in one of the safest parts of the city in one of the most dangerous times to live in the city Is Whoa

Danielle: [: 00:02:00

Like, that's a New York artist. That's just it. And I think they summed up that whole vibe. And then, like I said, you pull in like run DMC and even walk this way with Aerosmith, the way they did that video. And it's just another. I take myself seriously. Not too seriously, but I take my art really seriously.

Dave: That

Danielle: And that's, that's a New York vibe.

Dave: is a New York vibe And [: 00:03:00

ike, oh, that's. Part of New [: 00:04:00

But always when I come back to New York Comic-Con, you see the mashup of characters and the way people cosplay and it's just different than anywhere else. I've seen great cosplay at, at other cons where the builds are great. Um, the, the ingenuity iss awesome, but there's nothing like the New York Comic-Con and the New York Comic-Con scene where it's just, there's a certain art form to it that you don't get anywhere else.

And I know, yes, I'm biased New York, but like I have a friend Mark handle, he does Dr. Doom and he's just a phenomenal doom. But he thought to build dooms dinosaur and ride in it, and I'm like.

Dave: What

e's, he's got his legs in it [: 00:05:00

It's just, you know, so it's like, to me, that's part of being a New York artist. Like he takes himself seriously in his art, but not too seriously that he's got domes legs, flack around on the side, you know, of the guys. Like, you're just like, okay, yeah, that, that's New York Comic-Con, like, yep. That about sums it up.

So I just,

Dave: Oh

Danielle: yeah, I'm kind of biased.

Dave: literally like I'm sorry The the the thing that I can just picture in my head right now is just waiting at Church Avenue for the subway and just seeing trying to get onto the train you know like the full dinosaur like trying to like get the head through the doors before they close And I'm just like oh my God it's so fucking New York

hat's it. That's exactly it. [: 00:06:00

You know, you, you can't pick up, like there's a certain laid back vibe or whatever that they'll tell you about. But I think when you're in New York, regardless of what part of the state, there's something you draw from and it's just quintessential New York.

ours yay I'm showing up five [: 00:07:00

Danielle: Yeah.

ls You know what I mean Like [: 00:08:00

Danielle: Yeah.

Dave: show up I'm sorry Like that That's fact of

Danielle: that's, that's, I also think a little bit more of a New York thing. I've noticed I've had times, um, I think you might wanna adjust your sound though a little bit. Like I'm getting a little more static, so I don't know. Um, but I've had it where

Dave: on about

Danielle: I've gone

Dave: better

Danielle: still a little more. It's, it's coming in like real staticky all of a sudden.

Dave: it could be gimme a second Gimme Okay How about now

Danielle: Yeah, it's coming back with feedback like static, so I'm losing sometimes what you're saying,

Dave: on

Danielle: so I don't want it to like show up later.

Dave: it could just be the uh this sometimes happens

Danielle: It could be the, the software too. I know.

Dave: could

Danielle: know. It's been giving problems.

Dave: Um you sh should be able to hear me a lot better now I don't know if you

Danielle: If you need me to come in and out, let me know. Yeah. It's still like, it's still crackly,

Dave: still

you to repeat yourself, just [: 00:09:00

Dave: We're trying to make this work Um but yeah I mean I think like I think hard work

Danielle: People need to show up like, like you said, people just need to show up. That's the whole thing. I've sat in full cosplay costume and people have asked me for interviews. Been in the green room sitting there, and then they've been like, oh, we can't do it today. And I'm like, and I'm like, what? You know, or I've, I had a radio show canceled three times on me and three times, and each time was a different excuse.

And I was in full cosplaying. Finally, I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. They were like, well, you just lost the chant to be in front of so many people. And I'm like, okay. I was like, th it's your third time. Like, and I'm like, and you use, and by the third excuse, I was like, you used this excuse the first time.

his cosplay. I can't just, I [: 00:10:00

Okay, cool. Thanks. Thanks so much. Moving on. So, you know, it's, it's one of those, so I, unless I'm requested for cosplay, I don't even offer it anymore because to get into a, a FA cosplay or a Queen Aurora cosplay, it'll take me two, three hours. So I'm not sitting there wi wings and everything else in the head pieces that I'm trying to adjust.

I look like Lucille Ball, you know, where I'm balancing it and then nobody shows. So I, I just,

Dave: It

Danielle: don't do it anymore. Uh, I learned my lesson.

Dave: you know what and it's

Danielle: I.

online know where it used to [: 00:11:00

Danielle: [: 00:12:00

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the opposite. I'm your tour guide. Come on, let's go. Like, I'm so thrilled you're choosing my ride in this carnival of books. You get like, you're picking me, let's go. I'll do whatever you want. I will bend over backwards. I'm in cosplay because I'm living this life and I'm also trying to show, I'm putting my money where my mouth is, that I'm gonna live these characters.

ou're picking my little, you [: 00:13:00

I'm giving tickets away. I'm standing out, I'm on the pole working like I am hustling. I am so. It's absolutely honored. And I think there's been this shift of people feeling almost entitled, you know, as the artist. And I'm like, no, no, no. It's the other way around. Somebody wants to enjoy your art. You really have to open up the gates because yes, you're vulnerable in that sense because you are expressing yourself.

However, your pla whatever your platform is, whether you're a podcaster, a musician, a poet, whatever.

Dave: I didn't even think about

me get development rope out. [: 00:14:00

And I think there's a little too much of this, I don't know, this entitlement and this whole Kardashian attitude. And I'm just so not, I'm just like, what do I have to do to get you here? I'll do it. And if that means putting wings on my back. And, and dressing up, which I've done many times and, and laying it out.

Then Okay, let's go. 'cause I want you here. I I don't wanna close it off. That's the last thing I want.

y can experience the feeling [: 00:15:00

Danielle: Yeah.

Dave: like okay gonna be real with you and I I'm not I like realized this for just such a long period of time Yes we are called the United States but the difference of culture and quality of artists between the West Coast and the Northeast is like two completely different countries I

Danielle: Yes. Yeah, I think that's, that's like, that's a good way to put it. Like, you know, that's it. I've, it's kind of funny that you use like the grocery store thing. I have actually gone shopping in my Aurora crown, you know, just to prove that like, I'm living the Faye life 24 7. That's it. Like I, I think everybody needs a little magic every day, you know?

[: 00:16:00

I can, I feel like I can't possibly ask that, and this is probably the northeast artist in me, and this is the whole, don't take me too seriously, but take my art seriously thing that I'm gonna run around dressed like a fay in my everyday life. Because like I said, I'm asking you to spend harder money. I feel like I can't ask you to do that unless I really know it's good.

So in order for me to tell you it's good, I'm gonna live it.

Dave: Yeah

, going shopping. And I got, [: 00:17:00

'cause I'm trying to say yes, every, every ounce of me is in this book or in this series. So that's just what it is.

who I am as a person That's [: 00:18:00

Danielle: Mm-hmm.

Dave: to your point it's like I am making this art I am writing this It would be kind of crazy if I'm not actually representing what I'm making You know it's like the Kardashians going To Air one I don't know if it was Air one but like renting it out

Danielle: Yeah.

Dave: for

Danielle: No, I get what you're saying. Totally. No, I totally get it. It's. I, I go back to, I think keyword for this would be vibe. Like, that's kind of the theme of, of this discussion. It's, it, it is a vibe. You have to kind of embody things. And even in this, in this flow, like, you know, I was, my whole feel and it's, I joke, there's too many voices in my head, you know?

Um, my, my thing is like, when I write, I have to have, I have to have noise. You know? I gotta have RuPaul's Drag Race going on.

Dave: course

h book has its own playlist. [: 00:19:00

But that's my flow. I'm not saying it works for everybody, but I enjoy living in my world. I want to live there. And that's, that's how it should be. Does it work for everybody? Heck no. I've said many times, if you wanna know what not to do, come sit next to me because I've made every single mistake you can possibly imagine.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It does not work for everybody, but that's part of being an artist. It's my own journey. My journey is not the same as the author sitting next to me. It's not the same as the author I've, I've listened to. Uh, it's just not, but that's the artist's life. Our journeys cannot be the same or else we'd be putting out the exact same thing and then we would be clinical and boring.

Dave: Yeah and it's [: 00:20:00

Danielle: I think when I think about community and what you surround yourself with, I look at it in a couple of different ways. One, I don't like people. Um, so, you know, I'm, I'm a little bit of a loner in that sense, and it's probably 'cause I'm weird. And so I have, you know, the few people I keep close besides my puppies, and I talk to them and I swear they answer me back.

Dave: They

Danielle: But, um, to totally, totally, my, my dogs know me better than anybody and yeah, they, they listen to me. They totally know what's going on. My, my dogs know people better. They're the judges of character. Okay? We all go by my, my dogs are good like that.

Dave: somebody

Danielle: and

Dave: they they they they got a little bit of an issue Oh there's a reason

're angels. Um, and yes, you [: 00:22:00

Dave: I really no this is not

Danielle: Don't challenge that, you know, but I, I think when you look at just who you surround yourself with and how you create, I am very much an introverted creator.

You know, I do take what's happened in my life and pour it in my books. I've always said, when you look at my books, they are all interpersonal dynamics. Whether I put horns on them, fins, it, it's, it's still interpersonal dynamics. Uh, Serena, my mermaid is my best friend from high school, Jen, and the reason she's a mermaid is because the chick looked great in a bikini her whole life.

relationship between her and [: 00:23:00

And then behind closed doors, she'd be like, bitch, what you smoking? You know, but, but never in front of the court behind closed doors. She'd be like, what are, what, what is the plan here? But everything I write about is still community. And sometimes it's what I wish I had. It's not necessarily what I've experienced.

I don't know, close relationships with women. I was a fighter my whole life. I competed. I never like punched a girl in the face and was like, let's go for martinis now. And like, the sex and the city theme would play and we'd go trotting off. That never happened. I fought martial arts and competed, and I was in a school of all men.

I, I didn't know what to do. [: 00:24:00

I didn't understand it. And so I miss that part. So in my books, my girls are all very close. There's no, they're not competing about a guy. There's none of that. It's what I wish I had, I had that with Jen. But yes, I do lack that sense of community with, with women. And I'll be the first to admit, sometimes it's my own fault.

I don't get it. You know? And then I find myself in situations where I'm like, I'm not one of the girls. What's going on? You know, like, I'm like, uh.

sn't really mix very well So [: 00:25:00

Danielle: Right.

Dave: you know I don't think it's any it doesn't make you worse or different than anybody else I actually think it's kind of a strength It means you can do something and I can do something Most guys and girls have a really hard time doing

e thing, one, one way or the [: 00:26:00

And I'm like, I did. It was one of those where I was like, huh. And they were like, yeah, all your girls are like, really? And I'm like, Hmm. It was like, it took me a second to be like, oh, I didn't, and then I was like, A lot of what's in my book is either stuff I wish I had relationship wise. And I was like, oh.

And then some stuff, like I knew I put it like. Los, the chameleon Dragon is my little dog, Carlos. And so yes, he's written to a t the way he is and the way we are. Um, you know, Jen was specifically put in a Serena, but it was just very interesting the way community was kind of written in subconsciously and consciously.

was like, I'm gonna get more [: 00:27:00

It was like kind of one of those Steve Irwin moments where I was like, let's watch the girls. And I was like, observing and I'm like,

Dave: Picture

Danielle: this is never gonna be me. Like at that point it clicked. Then I'm like, I can't do this. I will. Like, I was always good being close to one. And sitting back, I was never the gaggle of girlfriends, like a Sex in the city thing.

I watch it, but I'm always like, really? People do, like, it's not just a made up thing.

kay I'm just gonna let let's [: 00:28:00

Danielle: It is. It is.

Dave: just it's a little sometimes hard to watch especially like when you raise an immigrant in blue collar like family you

Danielle: Mm-hmm.

Dave: it's just

Danielle: It's, it's, it's a very specific type. It's a very specific vibe. It's very, very specific. I find as I watched it, I was like, okay. And. The biggest thing is, and I'm gonna use this term, and there's probably people out there are gonna cringe when I say it with women, there's always quiet competition. You don't know you're in competition.

And then all of a sudden you're like, you're that one person that goes, oh, this is happening. What, what? And you're kind of like, all of a sudden in it, you're just like, what's, what's happening here? And it's the one, one-up conversation and you're like, oh, this happened. And they're like, good for the, a little passive aggressive comment from someone and then something else happens.

t until I was diagnosed with [: 00:29:00

Uh, it, it hit me hard. And I am, you know, I'm in a position where I'm not reacting to treatment. And as it was happening, I had some girlfriends, I'll call them. But it, they call a two year slide. When you get diagnosed where things just, you just slide quick. And at first I had like an eye droop and I woke up one day and it was just double vision.

I could not see anything. I was walking around and I remember the first time I looked at my husband, I went, I gotta get my eyes checked. What the heck's going on? And then it was like everything was Allison in Wonderland world. I could not walk. I was bumping into things and things progressively started getting worse.

a sudden I'd sound like the [: 00:30:00

This is my athenia gravis. You need to come back up here. He flew me back up, saw me, the flare was just ending the flare, lasts about three months. And he was like, baby doll, like this isn't good. I'm not gonna sugarcoat this for you. And that's what I loved about him. He. It never sugarcoated anything. But as it progressed, it had started to affect my legs and I started kind of walking, like I was drunk some days and my legs would get weak.

So basically it attacks the neuro end plates, the motor end plates of your, uh, muscles. And they get weak all of a sudden. And so things started happening and then I was put on immunosuppressants. So I'm a boy in a bubble now, but people around me started to like pull back 'cause they were, 'cause what are they gonna say?

me, my doctor, he was like, [: 00:31:00

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: this thing's gonna get you. And I'm like, okay. And what I noticed was people started saying stuff like, you're gonna beat this.

And I'm like, okay, what part of, there's, there's no cure. Oh, oh. And you're like, okay. And then it became how it affected them. And I'm like, it was making them uncomfortable. And I'm like, cool, cool. But you get depressed. Like my hands don't work as well anymore. I was a semi-pro athlete all of a sudden, I can't fight.

ddle do I hit? Because I got [: 00:32:00

Um, I remember going to a, uh, a Galaxy Con. I was contracted at hitting a Lego table by accident. This guy had, you know, it was set up day he was setting him up because I couldn't walk right. And the guy having a fit and wanting to like throw down with me right then and there. Now I was ready to go, but I couldn't figure out which one to punch in the middle because there were so many of them.

Um. But people around me getting very much like they couldn't deal with me because nobody knew what to say. And I remember saying to someone, I don't know if I can write anymore. My hands aren't working. I'm slurring, I'm not responding to treatment. And in the middle of it, they're like, you can always talk to me.

e, they just started talking [: 00:33:00

And I was like, oh, okay. And they just kept going. And I was sitting there going, cool, I'm happy for you. That's great. And I'm like, how many minutes ago did I say, I don't know if I can continue writing, like I'm not responding to treatment. And that's when I went. I really gotta figure out how I pick friends 'cause this is not working out.

Dave: Alright

Danielle: that's when I thought, I have been forcing female friendships to feel like I belong to a community that maybe doesn't want me. And I'm not saying all females, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I wasn't picking them right. Because I thought as a woman, I'm supposed to have that sex in the city group.

And so I forced it and now here I am at a time of need and these are not the people I should be leaning on.

Dave: No

ur tribe. But this is not it [: 00:34:00

But it's weird that sometimes it takes something difficult. To figure, to kind of go inward and go, what do I need? Not what society's telling me you need, or the picture that's being presented.

e around you that don't even [: 00:35:00

Danielle: It is. Yeah, it's, I will. Say, writing is obvious. I mean, I, I've had people say, oh, are you gonna write this into your books? I will never write myasthenia gravis into my fantasy books because I don't wanna do a disservice to it. But I realized I also cannot be the, the friend I need to be to some people, because they want energy, they want happy, and, and sometimes I just don't have it in me.

ow. I don't have it to give. [: 00:37:00

And you just want somebody to go, yeah, that sucks. Like, you don't want any other, you don't want anything else. You just want that. And this is a hard subject for people to digest because they wanna help. They totally wanna help you. And you're like, I, I don't want that. So this whole experience has taught me about friendship, about pulling in, uh, you know, I'm with my puppies, I'm with my husband.

al muscles for my lungs stop [: 00:38:00

So I will basically suffocate in my own body. I will be completely aware, and I, I've come close once to this where the muscles just stop working. So, uh, my lungs would be fine, but the muscles that help me breathe stop. So there's too much of an acetylcholine buildup. And it can't get broken down, and the neurotransmitters cannot get where they need to send the signal from my brain to my muscles to say, keep working, keep contracting.

So if I get sick, um, pain or stress will cause this. So being immunocompromised, immunosuppress means no, I cannot. The common cold, flu, the newest strain of COVID causes a problem. So, no. When you are severely suppressed, and I'm on a lot of immunosuppressants, a very high dose, no, I'm stuck in these four walls and people are like, that seems really extreme.

eep these flares down. We're [: 00:39:00

So when you have friends who are like, but you look good, you look fine. You're like, I get that, but you don't know what's going on all in here. So I would say overall, all of this has taught me a lot about pulling back, evaluating, and I guess it goes down to that old quality versus quantity thing. But I have created different types of art out of it.

, you are cured. I think the [: 00:40:00

They should have gone after the Mme. Webb movie a lot more. 'cause that was bs. You know, I, I've tried to keep the two worlds separate for now

Dave: I

Danielle: because I'm trying to give myself a way out.

w when you live and you have [: 00:41:00

y own limitations right now. [: 00:42:00

I was actually getting ready to go back in the ring for a Mu Muay Hai fight. I was, um, I had a coach down in, uh, Charlotte. I was working out at Ultimate Gym, which was a Christie Martin sanctioned gym. Uh, Doug is, was phenomenal. And I was fighting and I was like, I'm getting back in the ring to one Muay Hai fight.

I was. Crazy about it. And now here I am going, I don't know if I could, you know, get in the ring. I have no idea. Uh, I, there's no way I could even get through. I was up at, I was doing an hour and a half training three times a week in the rings, uh, and then I was lifting two to three times a week. Right now, I'm lucky if I'm on my body app doing a four weeks for everybody workout with Autumn for 20 minutes, you know, like twice a week.

I, I [: 00:43:00

He ran next to me and I didn't even know he was running like, 'cause his upper body did not move. Like I looked at it, it was like a cartoon he was running, but his upper body was completely still. And it was like they were detached. It was, it was amazing. He was on the Woohoo Beijing Woohoo team with Jackie Chan and Gently just phenomenal.

to an aerial. But I used to, [: 00:44:00

But if I do the stop start, I look like I'm drunk. And I've had people stop and be like, are you okay? And it's like, you don't wanna turn around and be like, I have myasthenia grab is I look like I'm drunk and I don't wanna get the cane, but I got the cane. Do I use it when I'm supposed to? Heck no. Because I wanna bedazzle it out.

And preferably I want a joker cane, so I look like Harley Quinn walking around town. Um, that's just how I am.

Dave: it

a work because we're full of [: 00:45:00

philosophy you get one life [: 00:46:00

Danielle: I am the, to be as honest and as vulnerable as I can be with you right now.

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: Um, there's some anger.

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: I have some anger right now. Uh, there's, I used to fight, choreograph and film every fight scene in my book there. Every fight scene in the eight books that are out right now. There is videotape of me and sometimes my dogs are balancing with me and there's swords in my hand.

sh and I'm not gonna be able [: 00:47:00

And I don't want anybody else doing it 'cause nobody knows how. Morgan moves how Ace is gonna move. Nobody knows these characters the way I do and how they're going to move. So there is still a piece of me that's not willing to let that go. And don't get me wrong, I'm still thinking that there is some drug out there that's gonna allow me to at least get through that.

somebody transcribe it, but [: 00:48:00

'cause that was something I prided myself on. Was this realistic. You know, embodiment of everybody. It's really hard when you don't make the choice and the choice is made for you. I'm not there yet. I'm still very new into this journey, and I've talked to myasthenia patients that are like, oh, it gets better.

Don't worry about it. You figure this out. And I'm like, mother ERs, I wanna throw something at you and hit you because I am so not, I'm not there, and I'm not willing to get there. Um, I'm not sure. I try to find a new, a, a new spin on things, but no, I'm not like, happy use rainbows and sunshines and puppies yet.

things, they're like, you're [: 00:49:00

But for everybody else, sorry, just look it up. It's great. Um,

Dave: Some shiny dead

Danielle: I'm not there because yes, I've lost certain aspects and they were not by decision. I didn't retire, you know, I didn't retire out on top and go, I'm done with the ring. It's okay. I didn't, you know, pull a Layla Ali and step back. I, somebody went y and Scooby doted on me.

So there's a little piece that's ooh.

his life was heart wrenching [: 00:50:00

Danielle: Yeah,

Dave: You just like why are you doing that to the poor man Just let let him die peacefully Um

Danielle: a hundred percent.

e You know you you you can't [: 00:51:00

Danielle: Mm-hmm.

Dave: have to

Danielle: I get it.

Dave: redo like redo my whole life again all over you know it's not like you could just redownload a fucking file on your computer It doesn't

u know who Bruce Lee is, you [: 00:52:00

You know all these people. You know, you know it, it's not something where you're like, Bruce Lee, okay, I get it. He wore the outfit, you know, and you're like, he does nunchucks. And that's it. You know, it's like, you know Brandon Lee, you know the lineage and you get it, you know, you know Jet Kun. Do you don't think of Bruce Lee and go, he does kung fu.

Right? Like, you get a little past it, you under, you know, Woohoo. You, you understand what woohoo is. You're not just like, is that like kung fu or do I order that on the Chinese food menu? You know, like you understand these things. You know, TaeKwonDo, when you get that, there's two types. There's not just the Olympics.

ck belts. My greatest moment [: 00:53:00

White Spawn. He walked in. Yeah. And this was right after he had done Spawn and he was doing the Mike Tyson biopic.

Dave: God Yeah

Danielle: he walked into the tournament totally unannounced. Completely unannounced. It was a children's benefit tournament.

Dave: God

Danielle: It was up in, I believe it was Reddington, Connecticut. It was Wilmington.

Um, and he walked in totally like nobody knew he was gonna be there

Dave: random

Danielle: up and I was, he knew one of the guys running it. And so we were lined up and I remember it was the first tournament my instructor had come to, 'cause my instructor used to send me to tournaments by myself. And so I would just drive up and down the Northeast coast and do tournaments.

xcited. And the entire grand [: 00:54:00

And they were from Jamaica, Queens. And I was like, darn it. And it was all weapons and they were doing musical forms. And I was the one, the winner from traditional, which means I had no back flips, no splits. I was in a white uniform. 'cause my instructor liked when I did plain stuff, I hated him for it. And I was like, I'm gonna lose.

lined up and we had a center [: 00:55:00

Does anybody mind? And I remember literally my heart going from my throat back to my stomach. And I looked at my instructor, my instructor just went, meh. It was a good run. Like he was just like, this game is over Honey Bunch. We're done. And he was like, and he, I just remember giving me the thumbs up, like it was a good try.

And he was sitting next to the coach for the other team and the coach turned him and went, which one's yours? And he went the little one and he was like, all of mine. And my, my surgeon was like that. That's great. And he's like, and he looked at me, he was, it's about quality, not quantity. And meanwhile he's sweating bullets 'cause he's like, we're done.

[: 00:56:00

And for some reason everybody like had the same songs. You know? It was all like the same. Are you ready for this? For everybody was doing their, at that point, you know. And then it was my turn and I was doing what wrong, plain and simple. I get up, I scream, my name, judges my name it, the whole thing. And I'm like, I'm doing this in front of, I finish and I see my scores.

9.7, 9.6, 9.7, and I'm adding them up in my head and I'm like, okay, maybe if he drops this one. And I'm looking at my instructor, he's like going two, two, if you got two points maybe, maybe you're stuck in place. Last person goes. And then my instructor, I see his eyes go real wide and I'm looking at him, I'm like, what?

and I walk up and I'm like, [: 00:57:00

Because I thought I was gonna throw up. And then he comes over to me and I go, is there anything I could have done better? And he goes, I'm sorry, what? And I go, is there anything I could do better? He goes, come walk with me. And he looks at my instructor, puts his hand up, he goes, I'm gonna borrow her. And he goes, you understand you won, right?

I go, yeah. He goes, well, because you asked. He spent 15 minutes with me giving me a new introduction, new opening form. And that to this day is my proudest moment. And he's like, I expect to see you. He went and told that story to someone else. I was being interviewed on a podcast. He went, you are that little girl.

alked about some girl and he [: 00:58:00

He goes, he still remembers you. And I went. And I'm done. I was like, I'm done. Let me take my bag right now. I don't care what black belts I have. I don't care being in the Hall of Fame. I care about my silver medal, the fact that Spawn doesn't know my name. Just remember some little white girl who asked him what she could have done better.

That's it. I was like, I'm done. Just take my bow now and leave. But I said, that's being a martial artist. When another good one can remember and remember, you were polite, respectful, you're finished. That's a martial artist. You're always looking to improve.

on the person You know look [: 00:59:00

Danielle: It was,

Dave: Yeah for that

e goes, when you lose? I go, [: 01:00:00

I'm like, you never specified. And he just walked away and he just shook his head and he was like, I didn't know I had to be so literal with you. And he was just pouting walking away. And I remember dragging the trophy and he was a six foot tall trophy. And I was, he was like scratching the floor and he just walked over.

He was, gimme the trophy. And then he was by away, good job. Then he is like, and he's pouting, walking away. He's like, seriously? He's like, every time I send you a loan, he's like, if you win. And I go, I haven't lost yet. And he just goes, shut up. We'll deal with this at the do. And he just kept going back and he was so mad at me because he was like, he, no, he was Irish McLaughlin.

years and [: 01:01:00

Dave: Wow

Danielle: was his greatest accomplishment. I was also, I gave that man a lot of gray hairs. He did not have any gray hairs when I started.

He had a lot when I left. I drove him absolutely batshit crazy.

Dave: Good

Danielle: Um, I, I drove that man crazy. I mean, I really, how he didn't wind up in a straight jack by the time I was done there. I really don't know. Um, but I, I drove him. I drove him crazy. I mean, when I think of some of the stuff I pulled now I'm like, wow, I only two broken noses.

I went to Vincent Lynn, uh, [: 01:02:00

Dave: year

Danielle: McLaughlin was my first.

So I had a great time.

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: I've had a great time. I've, I've been coached by Jerry Fontine, vast Fontine. I mean, I, I've met some of the best in there. Um, so super, you know, super Foot Wallace knew my name. I was, I, you know, I had a good time. I really had a good time in martial arts. I've never, it's been the best experience of my life is to be with martial arts.

y orbital socket that's been [: 01:03:00

You know, I've been up at West Point. I've been chased out of West Point. You know, fighting the cadets is a very different circumstance.

Dave: anybody that's

Danielle: Very,

Dave: not familiar

Danielle: very,

Dave: it's a military town It's 100

Danielle: I wouldn't,

Dave: 100 a military

Danielle: I don't, I don't suggest going up there alone and fighting. I, I don't.

Dave: no

Danielle: Mm-hmm. Nope. Nope. That was one of those moments that I was like, Danielle, you could've thought of a much better plan than this.

You know, I left there. Yeah. I left there with the trophy and all, but I left there with a lot of bruises. A lot of bruises. Oh. And if they ever invite you to go back and fight for their sparring day, don't go. Don't go. I learned that one. That's a bad on don't date. A and don't date A cadet, especially a freshman cadet, who's on the team, who's looking to prove something.

Um, and if they have a cast on their arm and they swear they won't hit you with it, when you get a good punch in, they'll back fist you in the eye. Real quick. Real quick.

Dave: love you

Danielle: me. Trust me on that one.

Dave: they love you

Danielle: [: 01:04:00

Dave: I um it's really interesting We're in almost in a sense as an author have had one book of your life which has been martial arts and then unfortunately due to a horrible disease which I don't know why more of these diseases don't have enough cures and stuff But anyway we can get into that conversation another day which is just bizarre you basically have to start rewriting a whole new book And the issue is because of how well Made was the last book how raw this story is it's harder to be able to write those pages It's not as easy as the other one was before Right

Danielle: Rewriting. [: 01:05:00

I have to really think about how I do everything. Um, I have to take breaks. Um, I'm not really sure I'm gonna give being honest, like just I'm not sure how I'm moving forward right now. I think I have plans and then they go by the wayside real quick.

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: Um, it's not, things are not, I had everything like so planned out, um, and now I have to rely a little more on my husband.

ight books were handwritten. [: 01:06:00

If you picked up one of the journals and opened it, page one would be somewhere on page 360 9 and book two. You know, it's one of those. I don't write anything in order. Um,

Dave: Make

Danielle: I have to, it, it's, it's one like up here and

Dave: I love it

Danielle: it's noisy.

Dave: it

Danielle: so noisy. Um, I've joked that King Jarbo, his real name in those pa is Farouk.

But my dyslexia, once I got to the keyboard, renamed him. So you ca this brain does not work normal.

Dave: get that I have dyslexia too like

Danielle: Yeah, it's.

ends we were on Coney Island [: 01:07:00

Danielle: So why?

Dave: so like you try to get around at Coney Island like good luck trying to find your place back on the beach And like Jude was freaking out and I was like okay I have a way of us getting back Just with my madness My way of doing it is I follow the same steps I took before so I go the exact same direction that we went prior Like I don't know I it's very hard to explain this you know like the same way of like you know you open up the book and then you're on three page 395 or the just don't try to have me explain my madness It just it works It works

Danielle: Hi.

Dave: It works

my instructor could teach me [: 01:08:00

And he finally figured out because he tried to teach me the bow, which is why I don't work with the bow staff, because I hit that man so many times. 'cause I, I was standing there with the bow and I'm like, okay, first of all, I look ridiculous with one.

Dave: You wanted to

Danielle: And I,

Dave: hit him so

Danielle: he was like, take the bow and go to your, you know, go to your left.

And he was standing on my right and I was like, BA And he's like, Danielle, back to start. I went back to start and I'm like, okay. And I'm listening to him. He's like, take the staff, move it to your left. And I stepped right out and hit him again to the right. And he, I remember right, I'm, oh, sorry. Alright. No, I'm just, I'm just nervous.

me and I, but I had to look [: 01:09:00

Let me try something else. And then he is like, take staff, move it to your right. Boom. Right back to the, and he's like, okay. He's like, first of all, I'm taking the staff away now. He's like, you cannot have this weapon. No, no, no, no, no. He's like, bad idea.

Dave: idea

Danielle: Um, but he started teaching me by saying, move the Wonder Woman Band arm.

And once he did that, we had a lot less mistakes. Um, and that's when I was like, oh. So we eventually figured it out and that's how he taught me. Everything was by the mirror. But I'm a South Paw Fighter because of my dyslexia, because I couldn't, when he would tell me to mirror people, all of that got lost in my brain.

would step back with my left [: 01:10:00

And I'm still standing there looking at 'em like, so I fought lefty only 'cause of dyslexia,

Dave: yeah

Danielle: and that's why I'm a south Paw fighter. It's not 'cause it's my strongest hand. It became my strongest hand. So now when doctors ask me, are you a righty or a lefty? I look at 'em, I go, well, that's a complicated question.

Dave: because I write with my

Danielle: So

Dave: but I use my left hand

Danielle: I fight

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: and they, and they look at me and go, I'm just gonna say ambidextrous and we're just gonna, we're just gonna leave it at that. And they just kinda laugh at me and I'm like, it's, it's just complicated. And you know, but yeah, I dyslexia. So my books are all handwritten. It makes it difficult now because the myasthenia is my forearm and my right arm has become very, very weak.

And to hold a pen, uh, [: 01:11:00

Thank, thank God. Um, but I don't know what I'm gonna do going forward. I have to come up with a new plan because I do need to hand write. I don't know why. It's the muscle connection, you know? I like the feeling of paper. Also, I always have paper with me. I always have a journal, so if I get an idea, I'm like, oh, it's good.

Let's write. You know. So will it be voice memo? I, I, I don't, I really don't know. It's gonna be something that I do have to figure out and, um, that's part of this myasthenia journey. I've, I've joked more that maybe my next passion project will be a day in the life of a myasthenia patient and then string all the days together.

'cause one is [: 01:12:00

So I don't know what, what I'm gonna do. I, I, I'm just kind of exploring this

Dave: I know

Danielle: and seeing,

Dave: it's

Danielle: you know, and then we'll see.

s times where I call her and [: 01:13:00

Danielle: I think, I think there's two sides to the coin a little bit. There's the person who's living it

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: then there's the people watching it and you wanna help.

Dave: Oh I do

what you wanna do. You wanna [: 01:15:00

Dave: We're just talking No

Danielle: Yeah. And then there's some people that need to retreat because they're trying to figure it out and sometimes they need to figure it out before they can allow anybody in. So I think you kind of have to figure it out. And you've gotta remember there's caregiver burnout and there there's so many different facets to it that people who are around you as the closest person to that person who's going through it, there needs to be grace on all sides.

And I think people have to remember that if someone is going through something like this, whether they're the person affected with the disease, or the person who's closest, if they ghost or if they pull back, it's not time for judgment.

Dave: no

e: That's the biggest thing. [: 01:16:00

They're doing it because they cannot give you the energy that maybe they feel you deserve. And having that conversation, let me tell you something, it's not always time because people are not receptive to that. You know, I have people who are like, you're ghosting people, you're doing that. And it's like, I don't have the energy to sit here and explain that I can't be the friends you need for you to come back.

Go. But I don't need anything involved. And for us to go back and forth. I don't have it right now, I can't give it to you. And sometimes I don't wanna sit here and tell you, look, you don't do well in these situations and I get it. So I'm letting you off the hook for you to come back and say, you do do well.

And then for me to point out that you don't, you know what I mean? Like this is too much of an energy exchange. So for me to just walk away with no hard feelings, nothing bad, and just be like, Hey, you go, do you, I wish you all the best is the nicest way I can do this without me pointing out, well you're not gonna gimme this and I can't give you that, blah, blah, blah, blah.

they're the caregiver or the [: 01:17:00

I just have to say they're going through something that I can't understand and walk because. Whether it's cancer, whether it's a disease like this. My disease is so rare, there's not even a lot of research going on because it's not a money maker. Uh, and there's, I have exhausted most of treatments, and I'm called refractory.

'm, but I have to stay on it [: 01:18:00

So I can't be bothered with BS. And it's not that friends are bs, but sometimes, you know, I don't have the energy for some of the stuff and I wanna be there for them. But I, I can't be because what little energy I have I wanna give to my husband. I wanna give to my pups. My pups are, I love them to death, but one of my pups has a tracheal stent.

He's on limited time. I have to like acknowledge that I want as much time as I can with that little puppy. 'cause he's my soulmate. He sat through every IV treatment with me. And when the nurse missed, let me tell you, that little puppy got real mad real quick. That's where I wanna spend the time. So I think there needs to be more grace and less judgment.

my, I mean they took away my [: 01:19:00

I just gotta get outta the house. And I'm like. Can you take me somewhere please, dad? Yeah. It's like, oh my god. You know where when you gotta get outta the bathtub and you can't and you're like, I need help. All these lessons of independence, it's hard and it's hard for him just to watch it happen. So overall it's gotta be grace

Dave: Yeah

Danielle: and that's a great place to end it, isn't it? I just finish that off for you, like, no problem. We just need Sunshine Day to be going and we're good. That's a Brady Bunch right there.

onversations Because I think [: 01:20:00

Danielle: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Dave: Um we've mentioned about your book I know you got some social media as well Um where can these wonderful people find you on the the worldwide web I

time. Uh, everybody can find [: 01:21:00

You can check out interviews there. Uh, once upon an author, my podcast season one is there as well, where I tell you all of these stories and all the dumb things I've done becoming an author. Um, and I've done a lot of them, unfortunately. And then my books are on Amazon as well. And, uh, books one through eight.

And then I have volume two coming out in probably November, I think is when it's coming out. And Marguerite Gavin, who does the Hollow series from Kim Harrison, she is my voice for, uh, volume two, which I'm very excited about. A Fool's Journey, and that is my Succubus series. So it's legacies of light and dark and I'm very excited.

adventure game. So you will [: 01:22:00

And then I'm gonna be doing some giveaways. I'll celebrate all this stuff. So I'm pretty excited.

Dave: I love that and I mean hey how many books do you know Can you actually like go into the realm on a video game So I'm just saying start clicking cause

Danielle: I right now we're doing, uh, Foria, we're doing a Choose Your Own Adventure and there'll be several books involved in that. First book will be out probably, um, I think they said maybe September book one, you know, 'cause they have like that one first book, uh, choose Your Own Adventure and that is based on my Dragon tournament.

And you get to beat Kain and [: 01:23:00

Dave: I mean

Danielle: And yeah, I kind of love Cane.

Dave: come on You know like I know like mythical and fantasy things are kind of like that but Dragons just got a

Danielle: I know it's dragons

Dave: I

Danielle: and my dragons are all dogs that I've had every dragon in the book in my book series. Our dragons that I've, dogs I've had, or my friends have had except for Zebo. Zebo is was my former neurologist who passed away. Dr. Albert Albert Zebo. And he asked to be a dragon in my books. So he is zebo the acid breathing dragon of the court of dark, I always have to say his full name because he changed it on all his internal memos at the practice.

he actually switched out his [: 01:24:00

So yes, but every dragon in the series is a friend's dog that has passed or one of mine.

Dave: And they're acid breathing Okay

Danielle: They're all there.

Dave: even fire All right We like bumped it up a level We got acid breathing I'm sorry acid breathing Dragons

Danielle: Fire, ice and acid. I got three types. I got a fire breather, acid breather, and I have ice breathers and I have the reasons in my books why they do it. It's not some magical crap 'cause I hate that. I hate when it's just like, oh, they breathe fire, they breathe. I got the physiological reasons on why they do it.

I worked with an engineer, a physicist, and a vet it, and that's how we came up with the real reasons why dragons breathe it and how they can survive it.

Dave: shit All right Well

odcast on how we did fantasy [: 01:25:00

Dave: Ladies and Gen So

Danielle: other time.

Dave: um to anybody out there if you want to check out more of loss in the groove uh you could find us everywhere at loss in the Groove Pod and then to make it a little bit easier for links for Danielle you can check out Substack and you'll be able to um put in video game if you wanna you got their website or whatever I can put it straight over there if that works can go ahead

Danielle: I'll give you all the information.

Dave: Alright motherfuckers well this has been fun We will catch you on the next one All right peace out Okay There we go Sorry